wat yall c iz wat yall get

2006-09-30T02:34:00.000-07:00

THIS IS ME

Im just sharing my pict of me looking weird people say i look like a tomboy they even said mikee was my girlfriend yuck... ANG pangit niya pare...

2006-09-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

Music
Last night as I was in the house I turned on the radio placed my cd inside then started singing...... All the lights went off but the muzic was still beating but not like the first time this time it was my voice... I felt a cold rushon my shoulder as the night air consumed my lungs all i could do was sing.... The phone rang and I knew who it was after a few mnutes I started singing into the cp.... As though I was in a trance the guy on the other line became silent and I drifted off ino my own world like I was the only one there... Like I was the only one alive... The feeling felt great but is it what I really want.... Maybe just because of what i do it could kill me......

2006-09-22T22:02:00.000-07:00

HELP
I dont know what to do maybe the best thing is to really cry for help buti know its useless maybe im useless..... I dunno the mask aroun me is growing and soon it will consume me untill the person i was will never be the same again... Maybe its for the better, for some the worse but i dont care... or do I.... Maybe I do Im not sure what to do about my life anymore its like im shattering little by little but at the same time i dont realize that... I pretend to be who I am to be accepted but even though I willnever be accepted for who I really am.... Everone says Punks, Goths, Rockers suck.... I dont agree cauze I might be one myself..... I dont wanna hide anymore.... Idont wanna shatter deep inside I dont wanna be indespair.....

or do I???

2006-05-25T01:10:00.000-07:00

"Hey"

Im back... It's been a long time since I posted anything hehehehe........ I dont know what to do anymore actually I feel wasted (sobra) hai..... life what will i do.... baka baka baka thats me.... why do I always feel left out maybe its because im a beautiful and intellegent young women..... Jowk ^_^ hehehehe anyways just wanted to say all post are mine and the one in the itro is mine ezcept for the song, skin, and lyrics of the song posted b4 this.... Ph and the picts are not mine either hehehehe... just wanna clarrify... Thats all...

Sayo-nara 2 ol.......

2006-04-18T07:59:00.000-07:00

"Tourniquet"
i tried to kill the pain
but only brought morei lay dying
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be savedam i too lost?
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
do you remember me
lost for so longwill you be on the other side
or will you forget me
i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be savedam i too lost?
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
i want to die!!!
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

2006-04-18T07:46:00.000-07:00

Im so sorry....
I didnt know that you really felt that way about me.... Im so sorry for ignoring you for breaking your heart so many time... Just to tell you Im not worth it there's someone out there for you and only for you... I really do love you but, I cant and besides I cant commit to anything you know that.. My rooms a mess ( grr... gotta clean that up ). hehehehe
but anyways I hope you understand... That we cant just be... Im so sorry for breaking you heart again but you gotta let me be.... I love being me single and free.... I actually hate relationships.... Gives me tons o headaches.... hehehe... I hope you understand..... Hey your still my best friend you'll always be.... Thanks for everything....

2006-04-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

My Reflection...
Ive been reflectng on what Ive said yesteday to a friends... On what i said on my post I found out... Nothing was true theve never left me I was just blinded by the people around me to accept the truth. Blinded when people say you dont need that group they will never listen to you your better off with out them... I dont knoe what to do I quit because of me not because of them... for my selfish pride not because I was inviseible... I was never invisible... Never was... Maybe I said that because I agreed to everything my other friend says... I dont know anymore... Right now I wanna go back this is the time I lost them.... This is the time they lost me and Im sure right now they hate me... So as for me I guess theres no turning back now even though I wanna right now I cant..... And I wont because Im selfish and my pride is p to ts fullest now... Im being the person I changed into the past few days... A selfish worthless loner... Who doesnt accept the truth and never will........

2006-04-11T03:19:00.000-07:00

Im out
Its been settled Im no longer a part of the group.. no longer will be...

2006-04-11T02:14:00.000-07:00

You felt out of Place

I think I was the one leavin you guys... So it must be better to leave the group dont cha thin its better that you guys dont have a trouble like me around anymore.. Since Im worthless already... You guys must be happy Im gone dont worry I dont care.. It hurts last night but today I dont feel anything... like its okay... Im not saying I dont want to be your friends animore... Just dont wanna be a part of the group is that a crime when I say friends forever I never say Blu skiez forever kau yan... You know what I like to be alone... ive made so many mistakes and sis so many things I never thoughtI could do and I thank you but... right now I need my own space and I need time... For myself... Im not used to alwayz be in a group I like my alone time its better like this... So I wont feel as if I have to depend on you and you guys wont feel like im abanding you... Its better that I can be myself now... Because when Im with you guys I never feel like myself

2006-04-11T01:22:00.000-07:00

I Need time alone...
Its so hard to always wake up in and every day knowing you have friends but, they were never there for you (are they even friend), I always have to put up a fake smile, A fake laugh in short a fake me... Shouldn't your friends help you and accept who you are no matter what... well for mine it's not like that... whenever I try to speak up they just say im being too emotional and right now when I left... they said they will help me and they can

understand me... but why didn't they understand me before? Why it is the time I left is the time there willing to leave? Maybe there just using me I dont know... I don even know if there even through friends.... I was good when I had them as what they say but right now im even better without them... They still remain my friends but I need to go... they were never willing to help they just keep pushing me away like im invisible... I may have had a great time with them but thats not enough... Not good at all... Right now there trying to understand me but they cant because it takes a lot of time to go deep inside and what they've been doing for the past few months... they were not going inside but pushing me out... And thats why im scared to face life because I felt as if no one cares... But not now... I know if I felt like that before when I was with them maybe if I have I have time alone.... I could be strong again... and be the girl I used to be... Not scared of life ready to face new challenges, but for now I'm still working on it because what they've done to me has had a great impact in my life that needs to be erased slowly...

2006-04-10T09:11:00.000-07:00

I thought

I thought we would be fine, I thought we would be friends forever but I guess I was wrong... No one understands me in that group... And its hard.... I will miss yah lots and you guyz were my closest friend now its back to the lonely gothic me lifestyle again.... I hope we will still be frieds thougth I may not join you guyz.... I still lub yah ol its just that you guys never undersatnd no matter how many times I try try to explain you guyz neva listen... Alwayz taking up sides and alwayz trying to put me down (though you may not know it) I thought we will be friends forever but my uess is wrong.... It's always wrong....

2006-04-10T06:57:00.000-07:00

I didn't know
I dont wanna mention any names but I didn't know you felt like that... I never did... Thanks for your support and everything but me and the other guy are not friends anymore... He hates me and I... I dunno what to do... All I can say is that isip bata parin siya.... la lang and besides I dont know what to do anymore (w8 i said that before)... Sabi niya mahal niya aku pero pinipilit ku siya sayo... kahit masakit pa.... Pero yung pinaka masakit diyan akala ko di ku na siya mahal pero.... Mahal ko pa rin.... Iyak ako ng Iyak kxe nalaman ko na walang kwenta ako sa buhay niya... aynako... alam ku na cnabe ko na wala siyang kwenta sa buhay ko pero la lan i cant forget him... Right now I dont love him anymore... But I still want to be his friend and it hurt knowing I can never be.... Oh xhet ma drama ako umiiyak na ako.... Sana naman na di ako makalimutan kxe kahit papaano naging part siya ng buhay ko....

2006-04-04T05:52:00.000-07:00

Freedom
My life is getting better, each and every day.... Wahahaha I just found out that me, Maxine Dominique Marquez Dee, is going to have my own stinking room. No more sharing things with my sister... No more noise only the sound of mai muzic and laptop and most of all no one to tell me when to go to bed. I am really stinking happy hehehehe.... And I get my own desk, bookshelf, I can hangup my posters now, turn the stereo up (but not that loud). And I can have friends over without a bother... Isnt that the greatest but the only thing I cant do is make yhe wallpaper and carpet black nor red so it will be a bit girly... But who cares I am a bit girly.... hahahaha.... Aniwayz Im juz happi Im gonna have the freedom I want and deserve....

2006-04-03T05:57:00.000-07:00

Mai B-day

Its my b-day March 29 (well it was my b-day), yet everything went so wrong, my dreams are just dreams, and my wishes never came true and Im alone (not really but...). Present were open people came and went and I had a great time but, the one person to make this day special never came and forgot me, not just today but for several months now. I've known him for several years now somewhat like a childhood friend (not Jared). He was my confident and my closest friend but now his gone and never comin back. Friends say to move on. People say theres so many better people out there in the world, but, I cant help but feel this watever feelin. A feeling that something is missin' a feeling of loneliness in the world. And I dont know how long I will be like this I hope it'll end and Im sure it will but not now. Hey (bez friend) I hope you get a chance to read this, I hope you will remember me so untill here and I'll always be here for you........ I always will.......

2006-04-03T05:48:00.001-07:00

Lesson learned

This happened sometime in Feb but I wanna post it up aniwayz.
It has always been the same routine in life.
1. Make friends
2. Be close to them
Some will last and will stay with you
Some will leave you...stranded
I've had that experience before and I might have it again but the one thing I learned in life is to always be strong. Never look back no matter how difficult it is to look straight ahead you.
A friend of mine, well I thought he was a friend. He became one of the closest people I've known, I told myself (im sure this guy will last forever) but for me evrything just has to go tipsiturvy (is that the right spelling..ahhh watever). I loved being with him he always found a way to make me smile not just smile even laugh. He called me names like ate or pasaway and in return I called him Kuya. We never failed to talk to each other and he was always there for me as I was there for him, but alas I had to move. The connections broke I didnt speak to him for several weeks but, I tried to stay connected. I called him through my mom's cell just to say hi, and great him for his b-day even got him a gift. But as they say nothings permanent in life and in time he went away. He started ignoring me and hanged out with my friends. He never greeted me not even a hi or watever he started hanging with my friends and became close to them... up to the point were I blew up and watever I got angry who wouldn't (and Im a stinking war freak) so aniways his gone. I cried for him, I cried a lot but thank goodness I still got other friends to confort me (special mention to the bLu_sKiEz and Louweh). As they say I was good when he was around but now that his gone Im even better and its true. I gained new friends, I learned some lessons. And Im movin on with life... I always here his name among my friends and I here stories on how they talk together and watever and for some reason its okay, It doesnt hurt anymore like it used to..... Be contented thats what they say and right now I am..... Just to tell you Kuya Thank you for everything..... I hope we can be friends again but, for now see yah later.........